Cooking Ingredients Suggestions...

Feta Prosciutto Scramble with White Yam Hash
Browns and spinach side salad.

So ... I have this new idea for something fun that would be engaging my friends/family/network...  here's the concept:

"I'll Cook with That" - kind of like a surprise ingredients situation ... most of my close friends know that I absolutely love watching The Food Network and one of my favorite shows is "Chopped" - the concept there is that the Chefs don't know what their ingredients are until they open the box and then they get a certain amount of time to create/cook/present the dish.  Well, I'm not going that tight on the idea to match Chopped, but I am going to open up to ingredient ideas and then on my next payday, I will try to purchase the ingredients suggested and with the supplies in my own kitchen... I will create a dinner for myself from the ingredients with as much creativity as possible.  As the list grows I will get a Google Calendar up and running with the suggestions, the person who suggested it and the day of the week I will try to prepare the meal.

This will be fun!  I like the idea of taking ideas from outsiders and then blogging about the process - taking pictures ... and if at all possible, maybe even take some video to show the process.  Just so everyone knows, I am not technically "professionally trained" ... but I do love cooking and want to get even more familiar/comfortable with it!

So... here goes... in the comments section leave your suggestions for:

1)  Protein - I am not limited to any type of products, just maybe not outrageously expensive stuff.  If I can't find a specific protein (like a specific fish) then I will find a comparable protein.

2) Carb - be it rice, potatoes, grains of any sort... you get the idea.

3) Vegetable - if I can find it I will try to cook it - again, if I can't find your suggestion... I will find the closest comparable item.

4) Random:  this is one of the fun things... suggest a spice, a fruit, creme fraiche, balsamic, salts, chocolates... have fun here!  Think of an ingredient that you maybe have seen, but don't know how to cook or know it is a challenge to cook.  I will find out how to use it and incorporate it into my meal!

Looking forward to keeping this going... and I appreciate the support from all of you!!!

Birthday Bloggin' ...

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.... uhm yeah. It's another year. :)

It's been a gentle day - nothing all that glamorous or anything.  As a matter of fact, my "big event" for the day has been going to the DMV to get my driver's license renewed.  I looked fabulous - this DL photo should be great! Fingers crossed - we shall see in 30 days!

I also decided this renewal period to go ahead with the decision to become an organ donor - no reason not to, really.  I know people who think that if you do this there is a risk that EMT folks and doctors won't fight to save your life -- I don't think that's true.  I've not confirmed it, but I just can't see that as being real.

So this year's BIRTHDAY celebration is low key... this year doesn't seem to be as "bells -n-  whistles" as previous years.  I've been in a bit of a funk lately and it seems to have spilled over into what I normally try to do to celebrate my personal new year.  I'm not trippin' about turning another year older... that's never been an issue.  It just doesn't feel like a particularly special day.  My friends and family have been spectacular about showering me with positive birthday blessings - and that is the best part of this so far!

I do have plans to go out tomorrow and play in my local community - breakfast and then off to see the movie, Les Miserables.  So my celebrations are slowly being spread out over a few weeks... maybe even over about a month once I get to schedule outings with all of my friends.

The other fun element this year is that my birthday falls the day just before the first playoff game for the Denver Broncos... so I am getting a little "colored up" for that tomorrow... I'll be wearing my "united in orange" gear - scarf/hat and my gorgeous new orange tote purse from BCBGeneration.

So, to all those who've sent me birthday wishes - THANK YOU... here's to another trip around the bright beautiful sun!

I Haven't Forgotten How to Dance...

I used to dance - clubbing  all through the week and especially on the weekends.  I miss this... not really the club aspect, but the active dancing.  I've become a bit more conservative - it takes a lot to get me to loosen up these days... to just feel free to MOVE.

And, as my birthday is getting closer, I am starting to feel my "age" setting in on me. 

I want to break out of this frozen form I am settling into becoming... I know I am a beautiful person under this fear-based body armor of "padding"!  I want to get to know me again... to awaken that powerful goddess who had stepped up in 2005 and owned her power to manifest exactly what she wanted out of life!!  Or the goddess who had trained in 2001 to reignite the beautiful body - yeah, that's what I want to do again!

So, I'm not sure where or how... but I do see a gym or training in some manner coming up... I know I am blessed with my father's genetic signature of being able to trim off the padding with a wonderful metabolism... once it is ignited.  Motivation - that is what I have to find... what is my motivation?  And is it stronger than my fear of ... rejection, abandonment, betrayal, ... all of those fears that have been padding my exterior with "softness" to ward off feeling. 

I will have to open myself to really feeling again.

I guess this is a resolution... now that I think about it.  I have a resolution for 2013!!!

Now... to find that flint stone... to find that spark... to find that fire...

Here...

I...

Go!

I'm Grateful For...

I feel blessed for a number of things in my life... so this blog is to basically just go through all of the things I can recall - kind of like a 2012 Gratitude Wrap to then begin my 2013 in a state of absolute GRATITUDE!  

In no particular order:

• Mr Ted Kitty - there is nothing like a sweet pet in one's life... this fella is such a good pet, I feel blessed to be his human-guardian.
• Home - it is new to me; in a quiet, calm neighborhood/city... spacious, allowing me to be "me" and relax.  And the landlords are just so nice - nothing sketchy to worry about with them!
• Work/Job - that almost goes without saying, but I really do appreciate the work, especially in this weird economy that has been hiccuping on me since I moved to Colorado!
• Family - I love love LOVE that I live closer to my older sister and her children.  I also feel blessed to have connected with more of my siblings and this is a 2013 wishlist item - to get to visit more siblings as I can take time away to do so. (I've got plans!)
• Friends - this blessing is always growing.  I have an amazing network from a variety of place; work, social media connections, friends of friends, and so on... each person in my life, even though they (or I) may move away, remains in my heart - there is a love that never dies.  If I have ever called you "friend" - you will be loved forever (yup, even if something horrible tears us apart and superficially "ruins" the physical friendship - I still see the good in people I've met, no matter what.)
• Mountains - since moving away from California, I have had a great appreciation of the Rocky Mountains for the vast expansiveness that they provide - that "grounding energy" that the ocean had previously provided for me.  There is always a beautiful scene and a grand feeling while looking at the mountain range for me.
• Colorado Rockies - this is a new appreciation.  I don't really consider myself to be a sports buff; I like watching events periodically.  But, I fell in love with watching and attending the home games of the Colorado Rockies - I proudly wear my purple frequently! :)
• The Divine/Spirit - that connection that many of us have, I choose to not label my connection with The Divine to any specific religion because - to put it most bluntly, "religion" is man-made.  I have a deep respect for the individual's choice to what connects them with The Divine - so long as it "harms none" in their practice - no matter what.  I am grateful for those individuals who are authentic with their connection to The Divine.
• Food Network - as odd as this sounds, I love that I have cable again because I get to watch this particular channel again.  It has inspired me to be creative with food again - and has inspired me to "think outside the box" with food experiences.  I love trying new restaurants that range from fine-dining to dives - as long as the food is well-prepared!  So many shows on this channel!! One of my favorites right now is "Chopped" which focuses on surprise ingredients that chefs have to use within a short time to create a spectacular dish!  It also helps to hear the critiques of the judges to learn what to look for in nuances of food experiences and food/wine/beer pairings! Learning Learning Learning! I love it!
• LifeVantage - I know many people have adverse reactions to "MLM" stuff - but I appreciate a good product and LifeVantage does have that with two products (and another very soon)!  The thing that solidified this decision to become a distributor were the scientific studies which are posted in pubmed.gov - this is a difficult database of studies to get into - so not just any "new pill" can get listed in this publication site.  I've become so proud of being a distributor for Protandim/TrueScience that I have put my business site onto my own URL name KellyCookson.com.

Ending And Then Beginning...

It is absolutely unbelievable to think that 2012 is coming to its end... already.

What has year been for me?  Well, since I didn't blog most all year... here is the wrap-up of this whirlwind year!

BEING SICK:

January - I started out the year not feeling so hot - had something going on in the throat lymph node that wasn't going away ... so tests a plenty and OMG so much antibiotics ... thank goodness for my discovery of Good Belly!! 

By March it was decided that a surgery was inevitable - so I went under the knife (yeah, that's how I see surgeries - terrifying to me!) I had/have an amazing doctor that I trust and even though the incision was incredibly long... he is such a skilled cosmetic surgeon that the incision was hidden in a natural fold in my neck.  Through all the testing, samples and such... they were never able to discern what exactly had caused the infection in my lymph node that, 1) would NOT respond to even the strongest antibiotics and 2) wouldn't go away - only grew bigger and bigger.  I will never know.

NEW HOME:

Within the healing period of the surgery I was blessed to have found a new place to move into that was FAR better than what I was living in - ah, moving! But a blessing all the same! I now have a small house all to myself (well, me and Mr. Ted Kitty) - no attached units of noisy neighbors or neighbors getting the police called on them.  The end of April was an eager move in time for me!!

This new home was a new opportunity for me to breathe and grow back into the ME that I had been missing!  Even though it takes me a while to get unpacked... I love this new home!  And I am counting my blessings every day for the divine timing of finding it open up to me!

Also, NEW JOB:  That kind of fell in just before the surgery - what timing!  I had been doing contract work for this company and they made me an offer to go full-time with them!  The offer was too good to pass. And yet again... a blessing to add to my counting list.

July came along with another new opportunity - a man - it was a fun match from the first date; a date that lasted 6 hours!  It felt like I had finally met someone with which I had SO MUCH in common!  We were both foodies, gamers, and just a great sense of humor between the two of us.  It was so good - life moved pretty quickly.  By October he was moving to a different city, closer to his work opportunity, and I pitched in and helped box, move and shuffle. Once he was moved into his new place and things were going well - celebrated his birthday taking him out and getting fun gifts ... and then a week later, one conversation changed everything... I'm still baffled as to what REALLY happened - because he "lost his feelings" for me.  Happy Halloween - the end of that chapter.

November brought about a wonderful opportunity to visit my Sister and her children in Oklahoma.  The drive was long, but getting to spend Thanksgiving with them was just - well - a blessing to add to that counting list again! 

And now December is two days away from being completed... so much has passed, so many experiences, good and bad, joy and sorrow, life has been so interesting in 2012...  and this makes 5 years now in Colorado.

Here's to 2013!

New Beginnings - 14th B'ak'tun...

It was fun to participate in the humorous side of the "apocalypse" craze that was going on.  But, now that the end of that series in a cycle has completed, it is time to get on with the new B'ak'tun - a new huge cycle of life.  I feel honored to have this opportunity to witness and proceed through this shift into the next 144,000 days or 394.25 years (b'ak'tun) - the next shift occurs on March 22, 2407 - good luck to those at that time!  And I am looking into what this current New Cycle means to me.

What I choose for my future:  I am claiming my Divine Light -and- productive lifestyle choices.

We are all born as "producers" of Divine Light.  Through life experiences we either try to maintain our producer energy or... as we encounter those who have become "consumers" of others' Divine Light... we turn into consumers (also known as energy vampires).  Now, some producers as I stated earlier, *try* to maintain their positive perspective and happy love of life... and these people may experience what I call the Roller Coaster Producer life:  powerfully positive as a child, people are drawn to them, they experience abuse in some form or another, they drain down to feeling less positive, but want to see the positive in all people , then they have a positive connection to something or some activity that lifts them back up to their child-like brightness and life is gorgeous at this height, they then experience yet another plummeting drain... you get the idea.  This producer isn't quite a "consumer" yet, but they've hit so many consumers that they feel like they are on a roller coaster ride through life.  Well, that is kind of my story.

Divination Reading: Goddess Oracle Cards

I love people... no matter what they do to me, no matter how much they use my energy to fulfill their own battery of negative choices.  I have allowed consumers to take what they want of me; to use me, to abuse me, to abandon me ... but, this B'ak'tun cycle is a new opportunity for me to really get off the roller coaster and to instead, soar as an eagle!  This change will take me a little while to recognize where I loose my energy, where I allow others to drain me, and where I need to stay when I am feeling grounded and plugged into the Divine Source of Light - be that through prayer/meditations, yoga/exercise, creative outlets, or being of service in a way that brings me such joy - divination readings.  

It is time to polish the scuffs, scrapes and blemishes... to knock out the dents and dings that have accumulated.  My life is my responsibility to stay true to the Divine - it is also my responsibility to fix myself of the "injuries" that I have incurred along the way.  I will be shining brightly again very soon.

My top priority in life is to create the best me that I can then offer to the people in my life - and to choose new connections in a very discerning way.  I will manifest more positively by focusing on the positive that I want in my life and letting go of the negative experiences as little speed bumps in my acceleration upward and onward!

Here's to LIVING in the 14th B'ak'tun!  Be the most beautiful and vibrant YOU that you can possibly be!!  The world needs more Divine Light!

A Lemon-Like Week, Two Day In...

Life Hands You Lemons

A weird day ... I wrapped up a bookkeeping client's 2012 so far as I could take it; numbers have been turned in.  It is so odd doing contract work now that I've become an "employee" type again.  It feels disruptive in a way.  I felt like I was "cheating" on my current job. LOL  Thing, too, I'm really just a "middle woman" to the process - I have no contact with the CPA, ... I feel like it's not a good fit ... this may be the last year for this particular client.  There are other reasons that layer upon each other that have brought me to this decision, really.  Not a bad thing... just a changing thing.

This week is off to a strange start; my Monday felt very tense ... today was weird.  Tomorrow?  I feel like this week is the proverbial "life handing you lemons" challenge.  Not that absolutely everything is sour - but rather, it's just not that pleasant.

However, Thursday is looking like a great day already... I have a meeting scheduled with someone that I've been wanting to meet in person for a while.  Not sure what to expect... just happy that it is finally getting to have an opportunity to occur.  Just might turn this week around and put a happy skip in the Friday, Saturday portion of the week. :)

At my follow-up doctor's appointment today, all things looked good - there is still concern about my tonsils.   Ugh... I am going to keep a special attention to my throat this year and see if maybe the number of sore throat instances goes down.  If there are more than 2 or 3 ... doc thinks we might look at taking those tonsils out.  Bleh!

Not much else to cover - today is really just a basic, flat "diary journal entry" kind of day.  I'm sure I'll get better at this as I stick to it.  More soon.

Heart-Broken Words...

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Friday was an incredibly challenging day.  To hear the news of the tragedy in Newtown, CT... it was heart-shatteringly sad.  These were just babies 6 and 7 year old babies.  And then learning about the teachers who sacrificed themselves... to me that is beyond being a "hero" ... that is a Saint.  My first reaction on Friday was just crying in disbelief.  Then came the other flood of emotions.

How do we move through the mourning? How do we move toward healing?  This is a scar that is not unfamiliar to our country.  It is becoming far too common, in my opinion.  There has to be a feeling of safety from an authority position... isn't that why we "hired" them into their positions? ... to protect us? to serve us?  Yes, I believe in the right to bear arms - to own a weapon to protect myself/my loved ones.  Not that I currently own a weapon.  But, I believe that there should be a more strict process for acquiring, tracking and documenting gun purchases/ownership.  Do I think I know that whole process? No, I don't... I just think that we need to start talking about solving the problems more seriously.

And I know it is not JUST the guns that caused this tragedy... the Mental Illness diagnosis, treatments, and process for getting the people who need help to get the help... we are not on-point with this, either.  Our priorities and our vulnerability to the extreme-lobbyists who *buy* our positions of authority that we rely on to protect us - that is way out of balance. 

So, I ... like so many Americans at this time, I am mourning... I am hurting... I am so grief-stricken for the parents and families who have lost their loved ones so unnecessarily. 

I look toward a peaceful feeling for healing.

I look toward the Love of my family and friends for healing.

I believe in a better future.... for the children's sake.

Why Did I Stop?

Surely there is a good reason as to why I just stopped blogging... it's not like I don't have words to share and stories to tell... and pictures to post.  I really did have the best intention a year ago when I started back up... but ... oh those terrible "buts" ... I need to be doing this again.  So I am setting an intention to try to blog more frequently ... like a wrap up to the end of my day or something that encourages me to write.  It really is just therapy.  It's not like I am a journalist or article writer... I write to get my life out in front of me - I look at my words to see if my life is making sense.  If I need to change directions or something... or if I am living to be my optimal self.

So that is my challenge... to write and write and write until I feel a focus again.  I know there is a book inside me, so I just need to keep writing until it unfurls itself.

Looking forward to jumping back into this!

PJs Kind of Day

So, I get a call at 2:30AM from one of my nieces... in tears about one of her brothers... I go from sleep to instant wide awake. Knowing his history and barely able to understand her through the tears, my heart starts pounding.

It seems that he has once again been arrested... and one of his college mates has indicated that he has "no family members that care about him"... wtf!? I don't know this "friend" of his is... but obviously she doesn't know him very well AT ALL! His family has done so much for him and everyone in his family loves him so much and has helped bail him out before.

I think the thing that is upsetting me the most is the pain around all of this. The "how could you" ... complicated with knowing how he could doesn't help matters either.

Family matters matter to me... and there is much to think about right now... and a lot of deep breathing exercises.

Her Words... are coming back again!

Well, well .... well.  It looks like I need to get to blogging again... I've been disconnected from this for far too long.  I used to blog as a way to journal my life... and then life became a rollercoaster of I-don't-know-what ... so, I stopped blogging.  I felt uninspired to write.  But a bloggin' bug has bit me... and I feel compelled to pick it up again.  Not sure how it will start rolling along, but I hope to get into a daily recap of thoughts, feelings, discoveries... and be "back to myself again" online. :)

Time to build a new fan-base again...

It's Her Words... Cloud

It's Her Words... Cloud
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

checkout the fun!!! So this is a quick snipshot of my blog!

Getting Moved In...

Window Peace
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Slowly getting myself into the new place.... and I am loving it! A brand new slate... a golden opportunity... and whatever other positive affirmation you'd like to plug on! I have my bookshelves put together and in place... and the majority of the books are placed... it will probably get rearranged again... but oh well.... it's a good start! Then I got this window complete... and a moment of "Awe" and "Ah" came over me... the bagua has been up since I moved in... it's always the first item up when I move into a new place... and the last item down whenever I move out... it's a personal spiritual Feng Shui thing. :P

I like the warm color direction for the living room... I have vibrant cobalt blue to accent parts of the living room as well.... so it feels quite balanced. Love it! So far. I know I am the sort that will rearrange the set up again, too... if I don't... well, THAT would be a miracle! Part of the fun of how I live... change it up... or just turn a couple things around... get the feel of it.... but in no hurry.

Tonight's dinner was organic-goodness!!! I went to New Frontier's at lunch to do some shopping... and happened across some wild Chantrelle mushrooms!!! OMG! I absolutely love these mushrooms! So dense... so very delicious with a simple olive oil and fresh-pressed garlic (both certified organic!) sautee! Served up on a couple of nice organic sliced sourdough (made fresh at a local bakery no less!!!) I feel like I am in heaven!! AND... this was my first me-cooking-cooked dinner here at the apartment! WooHoo! It's gotta be official now - I am moved in! LOL!

Well... I've got some Divination Readings to perform, so I will keep this short.... more later!

Pogo Leather Nose

Pogo Leather Nose
Originally uploaded by cappagammapie.

Is this NOT the cutest picture ever?!?! Oh my goodness... I couldn't stand it! And those puppy teefers peaking out too... puppy is just "smoooshibly" cute!

This picture also reminds me of the game that my friend's son picked up yesterday... Nintendogs. OH... MY... WOW... addicting! You get to buy puppies and play with them on the NintendoDS... I feel like such a kid because I was instantly in "I wanna get that toooooo!"-mode. Thing is... ya have to buy the NintendoDS ... that runs about the price of a small camera in my realm. Justifying that would be hard. Which was cute because, then, my friend's son instantly offered to have everyone go in on this for my birthday... WHAT A SWEETHEART! Kids truly are the cutest when they come up with ideas or statements straight from the heart!

Well... If I don't post before the New Year.... All of you wonderful blog-browsers have a SPECTACULAR, FUN-FILLED New Year celebration and remember... as you are venturing into the 2006 year... Be what you are... Love what you are... and be willing to see that in everyone you meet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

HA!

HA!
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Sometimes you just have to stop taking life so seriously and just learn to laugh it off! This image portrays so perfectly what I need to do - Laugh: eyes wide shut and mouth wide open - without a care in the world! So much going on... so many thoughts that run through my head. I had found out a week ago that my mother has been committed to a psychiatric ward by my step-father; her MS has really brought her down and she has started "giving up" and threatening to commit suicide... THIS brought all the meaningless bullshit that has been going on in my life into complete proper perspective... and really helped me realize what is most important in life. These people here and their views of me pale in comparison to the pain that my mother is experiencing and the needs that she has at this time. I may have to travel at any given moment to be with her... this is quite challenging... but, thankfully, I have that covered... the Universe always seems to work things out and answer prayers in the most mysterious of ways... I am incredibly grateful to my best-friend for her extraordinary generosity during this most extremely troubling time in my life.

I will try to keep you all posted on how things are going with that situation... as well as I can anyway.

WORK.... today was one of THOSE days... I was informed that I have been doing one of my monthly transactions wrong. I had taken over this transaction in August - so it wasn't as LONG as most transactions... but the error that occured due to the missed "X" in a specific box... that created a real huge red light... well, I researched and found out WHY I had messed up the transaction... I had actually confused two transactions and put a note to "not reverse this one" ... when in actuality I was supposed to "Auto-Reverse" the entry and manually reverse the other one upon notice from another worker.... OY! The mess I made! So, I did clean up today for a better part of the morning... and then went on with my normal analysis on Mondays... upon completion of that, the "BUDGET" was briefly brought up, so I printed out all of the prep-activity and found the schedule which actually noted getting a piece of information out TODAY... okay, so it will go out tomorrow... at least it didn't wait a whole week and set us behind on the budget process. I am keeping a positive light on this budget season... that all things will go well and as closely to schedule as we hope... and that I will successfully perform this duty in addition to my many other normal daily and monthly duties... especially after having today's news hit me like a ton of bricks... days before the annual reviews... could I have any worse timing in the whole scheme of life? ACK! I am hoping that the positive and smooth processes that I have learned recently will show that I am one upon whom others can rely... and that my performance as an employee will be 100% or better at all times. Wow, I feel like I am writing my own letter for the review... "I hereby swear that the performance for the year to come will be honorable and proficient accounting...." Ugh! Living up to the expectations of others is demanding... and today's news didn't really sit well... I found where I *should have* asked for more concise explanations of transactions... rather than just "taking it on and running with it" ... so the only person I can blame is myself... though it would be so easy to say "Well, so-n-so didn't train me very well" or "The current worksheet wasn't concise enough to remind me to mark the X spot"... ultimately it is my resposibility to conform the worksheet and the trainer to my own specific needs... I need to be more clear with my communications... and here I thought I was doing so much better... hmmm.... learning still.

Okay... enough about work...

I read an article today that journaling actually helps relieve stress and other emotional/physical conditions as well... imagine that... I definitely have NOT been journaling enough as of late... or expressing myself to what the article calls "safe people"... those who would hold sacred the things that you share with them and not use them against you or internally personalize them.... WOW.... if that wasn't written for something recent in my life; I don't know what would better explain it. I do have a couple of people that I now (after serious thought and analysis) consider to be SAFE people to whom I can express myself openly. The sacred circle becomes even closer... intimate friends hold a special place in my heart. As a close friend had once told me before, "There are those in your life who are allowed certain levels of consideration and are allowed to do or say things that others would never get to do or say - because of the level of friendship." I hold that statement very closely now, for it resonates with a certain level of personal truth.

Okay... enough for today...

Quiet Days....

Fog at the Bay
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Continue on. I don't know if it's just that much needed break from writing or what the deal is. I have a lot of things going on at this time... not sure I want to post about them all... so that makes for a quiet journal. Don't get me wrong... there are plenty of things going on inside the head that really should find an outlet... but I seem to be keeping things inside a bit longer as of late.

One thing that has kind of amused me... I check my stats now and again and see that I have a few "regular" readers. So, I know that I have someone at my work that checks in on me... the same IP address that I see when I check in from work myself. It's nice... I guess I get excited about having regular readers... I don't consider myself to be a busy site. Another of my regular readers, I've come to know as "Patricia Ericson"... that's the ID on the IP address... of course that's more than likely not the name of the person... but, for me it works... I have a "Patricia" visitor almost twice daily sometimes! Another favorite that I know is from Las Vegas... so it always warms my heart to see those visits. So... what's the draw of seeing who is looking at my site? Don't know... but it's been almost as regular as checking my email now. How many visitors... what search words (that can be hilarious in itself just seeing HOW people reach my site in google searches!!!)... I will copy some of the greatest searches one of these days and post it.

I can't believe I had only TWO posts in September... September FLEW by so quickly... what happened??? Am I blocking something? You ever have that happen? Ya know, have SO MUCH going on that you almost forget what has transpired? Am I really living my life or just watching a really surreal movie? That is an open-ended semi-rhetorical question. I could dive off the deep end and get all metaphysical, philosophical, and spiritual on it. BUT... just how far down the rabbit hole does one really want to go on a question like that?

Exposing Your Soul

Playboy Rose
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

I can't say that I do this without fear; but... I am who I am. period. More often than not, I am more than happy to let people see the absoulute me. I no longer see the point in covering or "protecting" my essence... I am proud of who I am; not in a conceited way... but rather in an "OH... I get it now" kind of way. That epiphany of Love. Words can hardly describe the feeling that I get when I know I've connected with someone on that level, too. It's rare, but once in a while... there is a person who sees past the physical, even through the ethereal... to that Soul Level. Not many are comfortable to keep looking at that... and it is challenging to stay at such a heightened state of awareness. If I were to describe enlightenment, it would have to be this "knowing" ... without having to have been "schooled" by anything... that bliss that occurs just because intuitively you feel what brought you to the Present Moment Awareness is ... YOU.... the True Self, the Ultimate Soul, the Source, Love... gentle it has set you here to experience everything you are not... and by negating the Self... you are then left only with that which IS. Exposing the Soul means tearing off man-made labels, washing off the scuffs and scrapes the human body has acquired, removing the veil of doubts... once the temporal is burnt off... what are you left with? Truth... AbSOULute Truth. Are you prepared to See With Soul Eyes?

Beaming Baywood Beauty...

Beaming Baywood Beauty...
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

I've been browsing through some of my sunset images... I can say that this one has been my most favorite shot to date. There is just something incredibly soothing about sitting in front of this ... live, of course, is the best.... but they go away.... extraordinarily temporal. Capturing this moment is something I enjoy sharing with others. Thus, my love for digital photography now. I used to shoot film, but I would take SO long to get it developed and would be disappointed at images for something I could have simply changed or shot a second time with a minor adjustment. I feel so spoiled now! And... I am dreaming bigger and better cameras again already.... I really do want to look into a camera that I can get different lenses for different circumstances. Macro... fish eye... telephoto... I am looking to capture the sweat off the brow of the busy bees pollenating the flowers!!! So, I hold that as an affirmation of eventual truth... I will get all of the equipment that I desire when the time is right... or when I am truly ready to utilize them. I sitll want to pursue getting my images sold or displayed in a gallery. I have ideas still. But something in me keeps holding me back... what could it be? Self-doubt? or fear of Success? Still trying to find the focus of my path and how my photography can be incorporaed with that. I love my photography... but I know I have a life purpose that is drawing me in specific directions... I think I can keep my creative passion/hobby along with my life purpose... who knows... they could very well work together as a positive benefit.

What a gentle weekend so far... I am re-watching (dvd run) a favorite series... and sitting at my computer playing on one of my favorite sites... and I stayed in PJs all day today!!!! wooohoooo! It's been a nice, sorta-recharging day... doing nothing... is kinda nice. I will get out and about tomorrow.... do a coffee run in the morning... meander out to the beach, maybe.... do some paper journaling.... find the sunshine.... and MAYBE.... go for a hike... which ... camera will capture many images! So tomorrow is going to be spontaneous.... first feat is getting me out of the house; that's what I am hoping the coffee shop visit in the morning will do... it's easy for me to sit there and journal while I drink my coffee.

I've steered clear of the north county right now... I just have not had the desire to go to the Mid-State Fair just yet... or maybe... just not alone. Friends mentioned possibly going there tomorrow... maybe that will be a spontaneous item for tomorrow. We shall see.

Baby Bird

Baby Bird
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Yesterday was unusually difficult for me... I happened to come across a baby bird that had been displaced from the nest prematurely, by what means... I do not know. But, I couldn't just leave it there on the ground, so I put together a box of tissue and ecualyptus leaves for the baby to make it comfortable... I called my friend to ask her what to do with the baby bird since she worked at a vet clinic, I thought she would know what best to do. She informed me that there is a store in the Marigold Shopping Center that actually takes in rescue situations like this... my heart was happy. I took the baby bird into my office with me; figuring that since I was leaving early from work anyway that I would just shave an extra 1/2 an hour and swing by the store and drop the baby bird off to be taken care of. As I was sitting at my desk, I kept it within viewing so that I could monitor it's situation... it had a bit of labored breathing which I attributed to the fall... it was probably scared. It would fuss a bit and change a position ever so slightly and then settle in and cuddle in the tissue again. At one point, the baby bird started breathing very rapidly and it looked as though it was trying to chirp... I got very concerned and went to tell my supervisor that I was leaving earlier than expected... I logged off my computer and then walked over to the time clock to swipe my timecard. Quickly getting back to my desk, I pick up my purse and look down at the make-shift nest to assess the baby bird.... MY HEART SHATTERED... the baby bird had stopped moving... and stopped breathing.... it had passed on in THAT short of an amount of time. I had known the baby bird but for an hour.... but in that short amount of time I had given it my heart... I had given it all hopes of living and being well... even now as I type this I get teary and feel very heavy in the chest... I try figuring out the "why?" aspect here.... normally I had been staying in my car during lunch; writing in my journal; listening to music; etc... but that day I was compelled to get out of the car and take pictures.... I had captured images of a Momma Duck and her baby in the SLO Creek... just adorable... that's when I heard a rustling in the leaves... why me? I couldn't just leave it there.... I wanted it to live... I gave it all the hope I had... I envisioned it being set free once it was old enough... why me? I still hurt.... I don't completely understand what the full message from this experience is just yet... I know that it validates my sensitive side... but ... c'mon... that was no surprise.

Starting This to Use Later...

Wanted to try utilizing Flikr posting.... so here I go.

more later.