It's Her Words...

PJs Kind of Day

2011-09-17T11:39:00.001-07:00

So, I get a call at 2:30AM from one of my nieces... in tears about one of her brothers... I go from sleep to instant wide awake. Knowing his history and barely able to understand her through the tears, my heart starts pounding.

It seems that he has once again been arrested... and one of his college mates has indicated that he has "no family members that care about him"... wtf!? I don't know this "friend" of his is... but obviously she doesn't know him very well AT ALL! His family has done so much for him and everyone in his family loves him so much and has helped bail him out before.

I think the thing that is upsetting me the most is the pain around all of this. The "how could you" ... complicated with knowing how he could doesn't help matters either.

Family matters matter to me... and there is much to think about right now... and a lot of deep breathing exercises.

Her Words... are coming back again!

2011-09-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

Well, well .... well. It looks like I need to get to blogging again... I've been disconnected from this for far too long. I used to blog as a way to journal my life... and then life became a rollercoaster of I-don't-know-what ... so, I stopped blogging. I felt uninspired to write. But a bloggin' bug has bit me... and I feel compelled to pick it up again. Not sure how it will start rolling along, but I hope to get into a daily recap of thoughts, feelings, discoveries... and be "back to myself again" online. :)

Time to build a new fan-base again...

It's Her Words... Cloud

2006-02-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

It's Her Words... Cloud
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

checkout the fun!!! So this is a quick snipshot of my blog!

Getting Moved In...

2006-01-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

Window Peace
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Slowly getting myself into the new place.... and I am loving it! A brand new slate... a golden opportunity... and whatever other positive affirmation you'd like to plug on! I have my bookshelves put together and in place... and the majority of the books are placed... it will probably get rearranged again... but oh well.... it's a good start! Then I got this window complete... and a moment of "Awe" and "Ah" came over me... the bagua has been up since I moved in... it's always the first item up when I move into a new place... and the last item down whenever I move out... it's a personal spiritual Feng Shui thing. :P

I like the warm color direction for the living room... I have vibrant cobalt blue to accent parts of the living room as well.... so it feels quite balanced. Love it! So far. I know I am the sort that will rearrange the set up again, too... if I don't... well, THAT would be a miracle! Part of the fun of how I live... change it up... or just turn a couple things around... get the feel of it.... but in no hurry.

Tonight's dinner was organic-goodness!!! I went to New Frontier's at lunch to do some shopping... and happened across some wild Chantrelle mushrooms!!! OMG! I absolutely love these mushrooms! So dense... so very delicious with a simple olive oil and fresh-pressed garlic (both certified organic!) sautee! Served up on a couple of nice organic sliced sourdough (made fresh at a local bakery no less!!!) I feel like I am in heaven!! AND... this was my first me-cooking-cooked dinner here at the apartment! WooHoo! It's gotta be official now - I am moved in! LOL!

Well... I've got some Divination Readings to perform, so I will keep this short.... more later!

Pogo Leather Nose

2005-12-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

Pogo Leather Nose
Originally uploaded by cappagammapie.

Is this NOT the cutest picture ever?!?! Oh my goodness... I couldn't stand it! And those puppy teefers peaking out too... puppy is just "smoooshibly" cute!

This picture also reminds me of the game that my friend's son picked up yesterday... Nintendogs. OH... MY... WOW... addicting! You get to buy puppies and play with them on the NintendoDS... I feel like such a kid because I was instantly in "I wanna get that toooooo!"-mode. Thing is... ya have to buy the NintendoDS ... that runs about the price of a small camera in my realm. Justifying that would be hard. Which was cute because, then, my friend's son instantly offered to have everyone go in on this for my birthday... WHAT A SWEETHEART! Kids truly are the cutest when they come up with ideas or statements straight from the heart!

Well... If I don't post before the New Year.... All of you wonderful blog-browsers have a SPECTACULAR, FUN-FILLED New Year celebration and remember... as you are venturing into the 2006 year... Be what you are... Love what you are... and be willing to see that in everyone you meet!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

HA!

2005-10-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

HA!
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Sometimes you just have to stop taking life so seriously and just learn to laugh it off! This image portrays so perfectly what I need to do - Laugh: eyes wide shut and mouth wide open - without a care in the world! So much going on... so many thoughts that run through my head. I had found out a week ago that my mother has been committed to a psychiatric ward by my step-father; her MS has really brought her down and she has started "giving up" and threatening to commit suicide... THIS brought all the meaningless bullshit that has been going on in my life into complete proper perspective... and really helped me realize what is most important in life. These people here and their views of me pale in comparison to the pain that my mother is experiencing and the needs that she has at this time. I may have to travel at any given moment to be with her... this is quite challenging... but, thankfully, I have that covered... the Universe always seems to work things out and answer prayers in the most mysterious of ways... I am incredibly grateful to my best-friend for her extraordinary generosity during this most extremely troubling time in my life.

I will try to keep you all posted on how things are going with that situation... as well as I can anyway.

WORK.... today was one of THOSE days... I was informed that I have been doing one of my monthly transactions wrong. I had taken over this transaction in August - so it wasn't as LONG as most transactions... but the error that occured due to the missed "X" in a specific box... that created a real huge red light... well, I researched and found out WHY I had messed up the transaction... I had actually confused two transactions and put a note to "not reverse this one" ... when in actuality I was supposed to "Auto-Reverse" the entry and manually reverse the other one upon notice from another worker.... OY! The mess I made! So, I did clean up today for a better part of the morning... and then went on with my normal analysis on Mondays... upon completion of that, the "BUDGET" was briefly brought up, so I printed out all of the prep-activity and found the schedule which actually noted getting a piece of information out TODAY... okay, so it will go out tomorrow... at least it didn't wait a whole week and set us behind on the budget process. I am keeping a positive light on this budget season... that all things will go well and as closely to schedule as we hope... and that I will successfully perform this duty in addition to my many other normal daily and monthly duties... especially after having today's news hit me like a ton of bricks... days before the annual reviews... could I have any worse timing in the whole scheme of life? ACK! I am hoping that the positive and smooth processes that I have learned recently will show that I am one upon whom others can rely... and that my performance as an employee will be 100% or better at all times. Wow, I feel like I am writing my own letter for the review... "I hereby swear that the performance for the year to come will be honorable and proficient accounting...." Ugh! Living up to the expectations of others is demanding... and today's news didn't really sit well... I found where I *should have* asked for more concise explanations of transactions... rather than just "taking it on and running with it" ... so the only person I can blame is myself... though it would be so easy to say "Well, so-n-so didn't train me very well" or "The current worksheet wasn't concise enough to remind me to mark the X spot"... ultimately it is my resposibility to conform the worksheet and the trainer to my own specific needs... I need to be more clear with my communications... and here I thought I was doing so much better... hmmm.... learning still.

Okay... enough about work...

I read an article today that journaling actually helps relieve stress and other emotional/physical conditions as well... imagine that... I definitely have NOT been journaling enough as of late... or expressing myself to what the article calls "safe people"... those who would hold sacred the things that you share with them and not use them against you or internally personalize them.... WOW.... if that wasn't written for something recent in my life; I don't know what would better explain it. I do have a couple of people that I now (after serious thought and analysis) consider to be SAFE people to whom I can express myself openly. The sacred circle becomes even closer... intimate friends hold a special place in my heart. As a close friend had once told me before, "There are those in your life who are allowed certain levels of consideration and are allowed to do or say things that others would never get to do or say - because of the level of friendship." I hold that statement very closely now, for it resonates with a certain level of personal truth.

Okay... enough for today...

Quiet Days....

2005-10-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

Fog at the Bay
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Continue on. I don't know if it's just that much needed break from writing or what the deal is. I have a lot of things going on at this time... not sure I want to post about them all... so that makes for a quiet journal. Don't get me wrong... there are plenty of things going on inside the head that really should find an outlet... but I seem to be keeping things inside a bit longer as of late.

One thing that has kind of amused me... I check my stats now and again and see that I have a few "regular" readers. So, I know that I have someone at my work that checks in on me... the same IP address that I see when I check in from work myself. It's nice... I guess I get excited about having regular readers... I don't consider myself to be a busy site. Another of my regular readers, I've come to know as "Patricia Ericson"... that's the ID on the IP address... of course that's more than likely not the name of the person... but, for me it works... I have a "Patricia" visitor almost twice daily sometimes! Another favorite that I know is from Las Vegas... so it always warms my heart to see those visits. So... what's the draw of seeing who is looking at my site? Don't know... but it's been almost as regular as checking my email now. How many visitors... what search words (that can be hilarious in itself just seeing HOW people reach my site in google searches!!!)... I will copy some of the greatest searches one of these days and post it.

I can't believe I had only TWO posts in September... September FLEW by so quickly... what happened??? Am I blocking something? You ever have that happen? Ya know, have SO MUCH going on that you almost forget what has transpired? Am I really living my life or just watching a really surreal movie? That is an open-ended semi-rhetorical question. I could dive off the deep end and get all metaphysical, philosophical, and spiritual on it. BUT... just how far down the rabbit hole does one really want to go on a question like that?

Exposing Your Soul

2005-08-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

Playboy Rose
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

I can't say that I do this without fear; but... I am who I am. period. More often than not, I am more than happy to let people see the absoulute me. I no longer see the point in covering or "protecting" my essence... I am proud of who I am; not in a conceited way... but rather in an "OH... I get it now" kind of way. That epiphany of Love. Words can hardly describe the feeling that I get when I know I've connected with someone on that level, too. It's rare, but once in a while... there is a person who sees past the physical, even through the ethereal... to that Soul Level. Not many are comfortable to keep looking at that... and it is challenging to stay at such a heightened state of awareness. If I were to describe enlightenment, it would have to be this "knowing" ... without having to have been "schooled" by anything... that bliss that occurs just because intuitively you feel what brought you to the Present Moment Awareness is ... YOU.... the True Self, the Ultimate Soul, the Source, Love... gentle it has set you here to experience everything you are not... and by negating the Self... you are then left only with that which IS. Exposing the Soul means tearing off man-made labels, washing off the scuffs and scrapes the human body has acquired, removing the veil of doubts... once the temporal is burnt off... what are you left with? Truth... AbSOULute Truth. Are you prepared to See With Soul Eyes?

Beaming Baywood Beauty...

2005-08-06T21:54:00.000-07:00

Beaming Baywood Beauty...
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

I've been browsing through some of my sunset images... I can say that this one has been my most favorite shot to date. There is just something incredibly soothing about sitting in front of this ... live, of course, is the best.... but they go away.... extraordinarily temporal. Capturing this moment is something I enjoy sharing with others. Thus, my love for digital photography now. I used to shoot film, but I would take SO long to get it developed and would be disappointed at images for something I could have simply changed or shot a second time with a minor adjustment. I feel so spoiled now! And... I am dreaming bigger and better cameras again already.... I really do want to look into a camera that I can get different lenses for different circumstances. Macro... fish eye... telephoto... I am looking to capture the sweat off the brow of the busy bees pollenating the flowers!!! So, I hold that as an affirmation of eventual truth... I will get all of the equipment that I desire when the time is right... or when I am truly ready to utilize them. I sitll want to pursue getting my images sold or displayed in a gallery. I have ideas still. But something in me keeps holding me back... what could it be? Self-doubt? or fear of Success? Still trying to find the focus of my path and how my photography can be incorporaed with that. I love my photography... but I know I have a life purpose that is drawing me in specific directions... I think I can keep my creative passion/hobby along with my life purpose... who knows... they could very well work together as a positive benefit.

What a gentle weekend so far... I am re-watching (dvd run) a favorite series... and sitting at my computer playing on one of my favorite sites... and I stayed in PJs all day today!!!! wooohoooo! It's been a nice, sorta-recharging day... doing nothing... is kinda nice. I will get out and about tomorrow.... do a coffee run in the morning... meander out to the beach, maybe.... do some paper journaling.... find the sunshine.... and MAYBE.... go for a hike... which ... camera will capture many images! So tomorrow is going to be spontaneous.... first feat is getting me out of the house; that's what I am hoping the coffee shop visit in the morning will do... it's easy for me to sit there and journal while I drink my coffee.

I've steered clear of the north county right now... I just have not had the desire to go to the Mid-State Fair just yet... or maybe... just not alone. Friends mentioned possibly going there tomorrow... maybe that will be a spontaneous item for tomorrow. We shall see.

Baby Bird

2005-07-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

Baby Bird
Originally uploaded by mscaprikell.

Yesterday was unusually difficult for me... I happened to come across a baby bird that had been displaced from the nest prematurely, by what means... I do not know. But, I couldn't just leave it there on the ground, so I put together a box of tissue and ecualyptus leaves for the baby to make it comfortable... I called my friend to ask her what to do with the baby bird since she worked at a vet clinic, I thought she would know what best to do. She informed me that there is a store in the Marigold Shopping Center that actually takes in rescue situations like this... my heart was happy. I took the baby bird into my office with me; figuring that since I was leaving early from work anyway that I would just shave an extra 1/2 an hour and swing by the store and drop the baby bird off to be taken care of. As I was sitting at my desk, I kept it within viewing so that I could monitor it's situation... it had a bit of labored breathing which I attributed to the fall... it was probably scared. It would fuss a bit and change a position ever so slightly and then settle in and cuddle in the tissue again. At one point, the baby bird started breathing very rapidly and it looked as though it was trying to chirp... I got very concerned and went to tell my supervisor that I was leaving earlier than expected... I logged off my computer and then walked over to the time clock to swipe my timecard. Quickly getting back to my desk, I pick up my purse and look down at the make-shift nest to assess the baby bird.... MY HEART SHATTERED... the baby bird had stopped moving... and stopped breathing.... it had passed on in THAT short of an amount of time. I had known the baby bird but for an hour.... but in that short amount of time I had given it my heart... I had given it all hopes of living and being well... even now as I type this I get teary and feel very heavy in the chest... I try figuring out the "why?" aspect here.... normally I had been staying in my car during lunch; writing in my journal; listening to music; etc... but that day I was compelled to get out of the car and take pictures.... I had captured images of a Momma Duck and her baby in the SLO Creek... just adorable... that's when I heard a rustling in the leaves... why me? I couldn't just leave it there.... I wanted it to live... I gave it all the hope I had... I envisioned it being set free once it was old enough... why me? I still hurt.... I don't completely understand what the full message from this experience is just yet... I know that it validates my sensitive side... but ... c'mon... that was no surprise.

Starting This to Use Later...

2005-07-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

Wanted to try utilizing Flikr posting.... so here I go.

more later.